Breaking up can be tough, but sometimes a little humor is the best way to lighten the mood and move on. If you’re looking for 30 funny roasts to say to your ex, you’ve come to the right place!
These witty, lighthearted roasts are perfect for expressing yourself with a smile, keeping things playful instead of painful.
Whether you want to throw some harmless shade or just get a chuckle out of a tricky situation, these clever comebacks will do the trick. Let’s dive into the world of humorous roasts that are both smart and cheeky, guaranteed to make you feel empowered and entertained!
Another or professional way to say “In Time of Need”
- “Thanks for the memories… now I need a refund!”
- “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘cabbage’ — because you’re full of hot air!”
- “You must be a magician because every time you leave, you make my problems disappear.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
- “Your secrets are safe with me — I never even listened.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “I’m not saying you’re forgettable, but I almost forgot you existed.”
- “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
- “If I wanted to hear from someone useless, I’d call a telemarketer.”
- “You’re like a software update — annoying and unnecessary.”
- “Your WiFi signal is stronger than your personality.”
- “You bring drama wherever you go — are you hiring?”
- “You remind me of a software bug — frustrating and impossible to ignore.”
- “You couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.”
- “Your personality is like a cloud — when you disappear, it’s a sunny day.”
- “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”
- “You have the perfect face for radio.”
- “If I had a dollar for every time you annoyed me, I’d be rich.”
- “You’re like a broken pencil — pointless.”
- “I’m glad we broke up — now I have fewer excuses to be miserable.”
- “You’re the reason they put directions on shampoo bottles.”
- “You’re like a puzzle with half the pieces missing.”
- “Your cooking is the reason fire alarms exist.”
- “You’re like a phone with no signal — totally useless.”
- “I’d call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose.”
- “You bring so much energy… negative energy.”
- “You have a face for selfies, but a voice for radio silence.”
- “You’re like a WiFi hotspot in a basement — always unreliable.”
1. “Thanks for the memories… now I need a refund!”
When a relationship ends, sometimes it feels like you paid a lot and got little in return. This roast plays on that idea with humor, making light of the past without being harsh. It’s perfect for expressing a cheeky dissatisfaction with the breakup in a playful way.
Example: When your ex tries to remind you of “the good old days,” just say, “Thanks for the memories… now I need a refund!”
Best Use: Use this one when you want to keep it funny but a bit sarcastic, especially if your ex tries to guilt-trip you.
2. “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘cabbage’ — because you’re full of hot air!”
This one is a funny and lighthearted way to roast your ex’s personality, comparing them to a vegetable known for being “full.” It’s silly, creative, and perfect to throw in during a playful argument or a casual chat.
Example: When your ex starts bragging, reply, “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cabbage — because you’re full of hot air!”
Best Use: Ideal for moments when your ex is acting overly confident or boastful.
3. “You must be a magician because every time you leave, you make my problems disappear.”
This roast is a clever twist that sounds like a compliment but has a sarcastic undertone. It highlights how your ex’s absence is actually a relief — a funny way to show you’re better off.
Example: When your ex talks about coming back, say, “You must be a magician because every time you leave, you make my problems disappear.”
Best Use: Use it when your ex hints at reconciliation or acts like they’re still important.
4. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
Perfect for the ex who always thinks they’re right, this roast is witty and sharp but doesn’t cross into cruelty. It’s a humorous way to shut down pointless debates.
Example: If your ex starts an argument, reply with, “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
Best Use: Best used when your ex is stubborn or argumentative.
5. “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
This one is a classic roast that flips the idea of being enjoyable, making it funny rather than bitter. It’s a great way to highlight your ex’s absence as a positive change.
Example: When your ex tries to make themselves the center of attention, say, “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
Best Use: Great for group settings or social media posts with a funny vibe.
6. “Your secrets are safe with me — I never even listened.”
A clever way to imply your ex’s stories or problems were never important enough to care about. It’s playful and shows you’re over it.
Example: When your ex tries to gossip, respond, “Your secrets are safe with me — I never even listened.”
Best Use: Use this when your ex is trying to spill drama or get attention.
7. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
This metaphorical roast gently mocks your ex’s presence as gloomy, making their absence a bright improvement.
Example: If your ex tries to rain on your parade, say, “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
Best Use: Perfect for expressing relief after a breakup or stressful interaction.
8. “I’m not saying you’re forgettable, but I almost forgot you existed.”
This roast is light and humorous, ideal for subtly telling your ex they’re not that memorable to you anymore.
Example: When your ex tries to remind you of past moments, reply, “I’m not saying you’re forgettable, but I almost forgot you existed.”
Best Use: Use when your ex is trying to reconnect or stir nostalgia.
9. “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
This funny jab is perfect for playful teasing, imagining your ex with something embarrassing on their face.
Example: When your ex is acting clueless, say, “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
Best Use: Great for lighthearted banter or to diffuse tension.
10. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
A classic, witty way to imply your ex might not understand complex ideas — a funny roast with a bit of edge.
Example: If your ex misses the point, say, “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
Best Use: Best when your ex acts clueless or naive.
11. “If I wanted to hear from someone useless, I’d call a telemarketer.”
This roast plays on the annoyance of telemarketers, comparing your ex to them — a funny but mild insult.
Example: When your ex tries to interrupt your peace, say, “If I wanted to hear from someone useless, I’d call a telemarketer.”
Best Use: Perfect for when your ex is being an unwanted distraction.
12. “You’re like a software update — annoying and unnecessary.”
Tech-savvy and funny, this roast compares your ex to something we all dislike: forced updates.
Example: When your ex tries to “fix” things, say, “You’re like a software update — annoying and unnecessary.”
Best Use: Use in a playful, modern context.
13. “Your WiFi signal is stronger than your personality.”
A hilarious and light tech jab that makes fun of your ex’s vibe in a witty way.
Example: If your ex seems dull, say, “Your WiFi signal is stronger than your personality.”
Best Use: Great for casual roasting among friends.
14. “You bring drama wherever you go — are you hiring?”
Funny and sarcastic, this roast highlights your ex’s knack for creating unnecessary problems.
Example: When your ex starts drama, say, “You bring drama wherever you go — are you hiring?”
Best Use: Perfect for social situations with friends.
15. “You remind me of a software bug — frustrating and impossible to ignore.”
This playful jab compares your ex to an irritating bug, clever and modern.
Example: When your ex won’t leave you alone, say, “You remind me of a software bug — frustrating and impossible to ignore.”
Best Use: Best used during a persistent ex encounter.
16. “You couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.”
A classic funny insult implying someone is clueless, perfect for roasting your ex’s mistakes.
Example: When your ex makes silly errors, say, “You couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.”
Best Use: Good for light teasing.
17. “Your personality is like a cloud — when you disappear, it’s a sunny day.”
A variation on a previous roast, emphasizing the bright side of your ex’s absence.
Example: When your ex leaves a group chat, say, “Your personality is like a cloud — when you disappear, it’s a sunny day.”
Best Use: Best for group banter.
Also Read This: 30 Funny Roasts To Say To Your Teacher
18. “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”
A roast that’s funny and highlights the idea of being there but not really winning.
Example: When your ex brags about small wins, say, “You’re the human version of a participation trophy.”
Best Use: Perfect for playful teasing.
19. “You have the perfect face for radio.”
This one’s a classic roast, funny and slightly cheeky, about looks in a playful way.
Example: When your ex is vain, say, “You have the perfect face for radio.”
Best Use: Use only with close friends or in light contexts.
20. “If I had a dollar for every time you annoyed me, I’d be rich.”
Simple, funny, and effective for expressing past irritation in a light tone.
Example: When your ex is being annoying, say, “If I had a dollar for every time you annoyed me, I’d be rich.”
Best Use: Good for casual roasting.
21. “You’re like a broken pencil — pointless.”
Short, witty, and classic; this roast is easy to use and always effective.
Example: When your ex’s arguments don’t add up, say, “You’re like a broken pencil — pointless.”
Best Use: Best for quick comebacks.
22. “I’m glad we broke up — now I have fewer excuses to be miserable.”
Honest but humorous, this roast celebrates moving on positively.
Example: When your ex asks how you’re doing, say, “I’m glad we broke up — now I have fewer excuses to be miserable.”
Best Use: Good for sincere yet funny remarks.
23. “You’re the reason they put directions on shampoo bottles.”
A funny jab implying your ex isn’t the brightest.
Example: When your ex acts clueless, say, “You’re the reason they put directions on shampoo bottles.”
Best Use: Playful roasting.
24. “You’re like a puzzle with half the pieces missing.”
A clever way to say your ex is confusing or incomplete.
Example: When your ex’s story doesn’t make sense, say, “You’re like a puzzle with half the pieces missing.”
Best Use: For witty comebacks.
25. “Your cooking is the reason fire alarms exist.”
A funny roast perfect for exes who weren’t great in the kitchen.
Example: When your ex boasts about cooking, say, “Your cooking is the reason fire alarms exist.”
Best Use: Light-hearted kitchen jokes.
26. “You’re like a phone with no signal — totally useless.”
A modern, tech-based roast that’s relatable.
Example: When your ex fails to communicate, say, “You’re like a phone with no signal — totally useless.”
Best Use: Good for digital-age humor.
27. “I’d call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose.”
A classic roast implying your ex isn’t useful.
Example: When your ex brags about achievements, say, “I’d call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose.”
Best Use: For sharp but funny remarks.
28. “You bring so much energy… negative energy.”
A witty way to say your ex drains the vibe.
Example: When your ex walks into a room, say, “You bring so much energy… negative energy.” Best Use: Good for sarcastic humor.
29. “You have a face for selfies, but a voice for radio silence.”
A funny combination roast about looks and voice.
Example: When your ex posts selfies but never calls, say, “You have a face for selfies, but a voice for radio silence.”
Best Use: Social media comebacks.
30. “You’re like a WiFi hotspot in a basement — always unreliable.”
A techie roast emphasizing your ex’s inconsistency.
Example: When your ex is flaky, say, “You’re like a WiFi hotspot in a basement — always unreliable.”
Best Use: For humorous complaints about flaky behavior.
Conclusion:
Using funny roasts to say to your ex can be a great way to heal, laugh, and regain confidence. Humor lightens the mood and helps you move forward without bitterness. Remember, roasting is all about being playful, not hurtful. whether for social media, texting, or just for your own amusement. Keep it light, keep it smart, and above all, keep it fun!
FAQs:
Q1: Are these roasts mean or hurtful?
No, these roasts are designed to be funny and lighthearted without crossing the line into cruelty.
Q2: Can I use these roasts on social media?
Absolutely! They’re perfect for witty captions or funny comments to keep your feed entertaining.
Q3: Will using these roasts help me get over my ex?
Humor can be a great healing tool. Using funny roasts helps shift your mindset and adds some levity to moving on.
Q4: Can I customize these roasts?
Yes! Feel free to personalize them to fit your style or situation for even better impact.
Q5: Are these roasts suitable for all types of breakups?
These roasts are best for casual, amicable breakups where humor is appropriate. Avoid using them if feelings are still very raw.
