Bullying can leave anyone feeling small, but sometimes the smartest way to deal with it is with humor, confidence, and clever comebacks. Instead of letting their words bring you down, you can flip the script with funny roasts that make you stand tall while keeping things lighthearted. Using witty responses not only protects your self-respect but also shows others that you won’t be intimidated.
In this article, we’ll explore 30 funny roasts to say to a bully, complete with short stories, examples, and the best times to use them. These comebacks are not about being mean; they’re about teaching bullies that kindness and confidence always win. Whether it’s at school, work, or online, these roasts can help you stay calm, strong, and even a little bit funny in the face of negativity.
Another or Professional Nicer Ways to Say Roasts to Say to a Bully
- “Did you practice being this annoying, or is it natural?”
- “You bring people together… when you leave the room.”
- “You’re like a cloud—when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
- “Wow, you talk a lot. Do you get paid by the word?”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
- “You’re proof that even evolution takes breaks.”
- “If I wanted to hear from someone irrelevant, I’d turn on static.”
- “Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listen.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “You bring everyone joy… when you stop talking.”
- “You’re like a cloud of Wi-Fi—weak and unnecessary.”
- “Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.”
- “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
- “I’d roast you harder, but nature already did.”
- “You have something in common with a cloud—both block the sunshine.”
- “You should wear a mask… not for safety, just as a favor to everyone.”
- “You remind me of a cloud storage—full of useless data.”
- “Don’t feel bad—some people were meant to be examples of what not to do.”
- “You’re like Monday morning—nobody likes you.”
- “You must have been born on a highway—most accidents happen there.”
- “You bring zero to the table… unless it’s drama.”
- “Your personality is like a dial-up connection—slow and annoying.”
- “You should audition for a silent movie. At least then, no one would hear you.”
- “You’re like a software update—nobody asked for you, and you’re annoying.”
- “Even mirrors avoid reflecting your attitude.”
- “You should carry a sign: ‘Caution, contents are empty.’”
- “You’re like a broken pencil—pointless.”
- “You bring people together… because they all laugh at you.”
- “You’re like expired milk—nobody wants you around, and you stink of negativity.”
1. “Did you practice being this annoying, or is it natural?”
One time in school, a boy wouldn’t stop mocking my friend for her glasses. Instead of reacting angrily, she calmly smiled and said this line. The entire class laughed—not at her, but at the bully—because humor turns the situation around. By using this roast, you defuse their power and win back control with a laugh.
Example:
Bully: “You look so weird with those shoes.”
You: “Did you practice being this annoying, or is it natural?”
Best Use: Perfect for casual teasing when a bully is trying to irritate you.
2. “You bring people together… when you leave the room.”
Bullies love attention, but this roast gives them the opposite effect. I once saw someone use it during a group project when a classmate kept making mean comments. Everyone laughed because it highlighted how much calmer the group felt without negativity. This witty line works like a charm because it’s funny but not cruel.
Example:
Bully: “Nobody likes you.”
You: “You bring people together… when you leave the room.”
Best Use: Great for group settings where others can appreciate the humor.
3. “You’re like a cloud—when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
Humor works best when it paints a picture. I remember a friend using this line when a coworker kept interrupting her. Instead of arguing, she smiled and dropped this roast. Everyone laughed, and the bully had no comeback. It’s powerful because it’s playful yet sharp.
Example:
Bully: “You’re so slow at this.”
You: “You’re like a cloud—when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
Best Use: Perfect when a bully tries to overshadow your mood.
4. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
One day, a classmate wouldn’t stop making fun of someone’s accent. That’s when another student fired this roast, leaving the room in laughter. It’s clever because it points out their lack of intelligence without being direct. Humor plus truth always wins.
Example:
Bully: “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
You: “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
Best Use: Best for verbal bullies who think they’re always right.
5. “Wow, you talk a lot. Do you get paid by the word?”
I once saw this roast shut down a loud bully instantly. Instead of letting them dominate, the comeback reminded everyone that their chatter wasn’t impressive. It’s playful, light, and gets a laugh while keeping you in control.
Example:
Bully: “You’re such a loser.”
You: “Wow, you talk a lot. Do you get paid by the word?”
Best Use: Use when a bully won’t stop running their mouth.
6. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
When someone tries to act clever while being rude, this roast works wonders. I once heard it during a group debate when a bully kept making silly remarks. The crowd laughed, and the tension instantly disappeared. It’s witty without being cruel.
Example:
Bully: “You’re too dumb to get it.”
You: “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
Best Use: When the bully pretends to be smarter than everyone else.
7. “You’re proof that even evolution takes breaks.”
This roast is sharp, but it’s delivered with humor. In high school, a kid mocked another for being short. The comeback was this line, and it had everyone chuckling. It points out the bully’s behavior without being aggressive.
Example:
Bully: “You look funny when you run.”
You: “You’re proof that even evolution takes breaks.”
Best Use: Best for bullies who act like they’re superior.
8. “If I wanted to hear from someone irrelevant, I’d turn on static.”
Bullies thrive on attention, and this roast denies them that satisfaction. I once heard it in a classroom when someone kept mocking others. It was quick, witty, and made the bully look powerless.
Example:
Bully: “Nobody cares what you think.”
You: “If I wanted to hear from someone irrelevant, I’d turn on static.”
Best Use: Perfect when a bully interrupts conversations.
9. “Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listen.”
A roast that doubles as a funny jab, this line works wonders when a bully won’t stop talking. I saw it used in a workplace meeting, and everyone laughed while the bully went silent. It’s harmless yet powerful.
Example:
Bully: “I’ve got something to say about you.”
You: “Your secrets are safe with me. I never even listen.”
Best Use: Use this when a bully talks too much about you.
10. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
A classic roast that never fails. Once, during a heated argument, this line instantly ended the conversation. It’s funny, smart, and shows that you won’t be fooled by their words.
Example:
Bully: “I’m right, and you’re dumb.”
You: “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
Best Use: Ideal for debates or arguments where a bully claims they’re always right.
11. “You bring everyone joy… when you stop talking.”
Bullies love dominating conversations. I once heard this comeback during lunch when a loudmouth wouldn’t stop. Everyone laughed because it lightened the mood without being mean.
Example:
Bully: “You’re not funny.”
You: “You bring everyone joy… when you stop talking.”
Best Use: Best when a bully keeps trying to control attention.
12. “You’re like a cloud of Wi-Fi—weak and unnecessary.”
This modern twist makes the roast relatable. I saw it used online during a gaming session, and it shut down a trash-talking player instantly. Humor works best when it’s current.
Example:
Bully: “You’re terrible at this game.”
You: “You’re like a cloud of Wi-Fi—weak and unnecessary.”
Best Use: Great for online bullies or digital spaces.
13. “Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.”
Sharp, clever, and eco-friendly! This roast works especially well on bullies who try to act tough. I saw it used at a party, and it was hilarious.
Example:
Bully: “You’re useless.”
You: “Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.”
Best Use: Perfect when someone insults your worth.
14. “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
This roast is funny because it’s unexpected and visual. I once heard it at school when a bully kept making fun of someone’s weight. The comeback flipped the joke back at them.
Example:
Bully: “You eat too much.”
You: “You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.”
Best Use: Use carefully when the bully makes appearance-related jokes.
15. “I’d roast you harder, but nature already did.”
This is a quick, savage roast that hits with humor. A classmate once used it after a bully tried to embarrass him. Everyone laughed because it turned the tables instantly.
Example:
Bully: “You look ridiculous.”
You: “I’d roast you harder, but nature already did.”
Best Use: Best for one-liner situations when a bully comments on looks.
16. “You have something in common with a cloud—both block the sunshine.”
Sometimes bullies try to overshadow others’ happiness. This roast flips their negativity into humor. I once heard it during a picnic when someone kept ruining the fun, and the line made everyone laugh while pointing out the truth.
Example:
Bully: “Why are you even here?”
You: “You have something in common with a cloud—both block the sunshine.”
Best Use: Perfect when a bully tries to kill the vibe.
17. “You should wear a mask… not for safety, just as a favor to everyone.”
This roast works because it sounds playful but still carries a sting. I saw it used at a comedy event when someone heckled a performer, and the audience roared with laughter.
Example:
Bully: “You’re ugly.”
You: “You should wear a mask… not for safety, just as a favor to everyone.”
Best Use: Ideal when bullies make comments about looks.
18. “You remind me of a cloud storage—full of useless data.”
This modern, techy roast lands especially well in digital spaces. I once saw it on a group chat when someone kept spamming rude messages. Everyone laughed, and the bully went quiet.
Example:
Bully: “You don’t know anything.”
You: “You remind me of cloud storage—full of useless data.”
Best Use: Great for online or text-based bullying.
19. “Don’t feel bad—some people were meant to be examples of what not to do.”
Bullies often think they’re role models of strength, but this roast flips that idea. I once heard a teacher jokingly use it in class when someone mocked another student. The room erupted with laughter, and the bully stopped.
Example:
Bully: “You’ll never succeed.”
You: “Don’t feel bad—some people were meant to be examples of what not to do.”
Best Use: Perfect for motivational comebacks against harsh insults.
20. “You’re like Monday morning—nobody likes you.”
This roast is funny because almost everyone relates to it. I saw it used at work when a coworker tried to belittle someone. The joke shifted the mood instantly.
Example:
Bully: “You’re always late.”
You: “You’re like Monday morning—nobody likes you.”
Best Use: Ideal for workplace or school settings.
21. “You must have been born on a highway—most accidents happen there.”
A classic roast with bite. I heard this one in a playful roast battle where someone shut down a bully quickly. It’s a crowd-pleaser, but use with caution.
Example:
Bully: “You’re a mistake.”
You: “You must have been born on a highway—most accidents happen there.”
Best Use: For moments when a bully crosses the line.
22. “You bring zero to the table… unless it’s drama.”
This roast highlights how bullies add negativity instead of value. I once heard it at a workplace when a rude colleague kept interrupting. Everyone laughed because it was true.
Example:
Bully: “You’re not good at this job.”
You: “You bring zero to the table… unless it’s drama.”
Best Use: Best for professional or group settings.
23. “Your personality is like a dial-up connection—slow and annoying.”
This roast is perfect for tech-savvy situations. I saw it used in an online debate when someone kept trolling. It made the whole chat laugh while shutting the bully down.
Example:
Bully: “You can’t keep up.”
You: “Your personality is like a dial-up connection—slow and annoying.”
Best Use: Great for online bullies or chatrooms.
24. “You should audition for a silent movie. At least then, no one would hear you.”
Bullies often love being loud. This roast silences them with humor. I once saw it used in class when someone wouldn’t stop talking. Everyone chuckled, and the bully blushed.
Example:
Bully: “You never talk sense.”
You: “You should audition for a silent movie. At least then, no one would hear you.”
Best Use: Perfect when the bully is overly talkative.
25. “You’re like a software update—nobody asked for you, and you’re annoying.”
This modern roast hits hard in digital spaces. I once heard it in a gaming chat, and the bully instantly stopped spamming. It’s simple, smart, and funny.
Example:
Bully: “Nobody wants you here.”
You: “You’re like a software update—nobody asked for you, and you’re annoying.”
Best Use: Best in online conversations or gaming communities.
26. “Even mirrors avoid reflecting your attitude.”
This roast targets the bully’s negativity without being too harsh. I saw it used at a family event when a cousin kept picking on younger kids. It landed perfectly.
Example:
Bully: “You act weird.”
You: “Even mirrors avoid reflecting your attitude.”
Best Use: Great for close-knit gatherings.
27. “You should carry a sign: ‘Caution, contents are empty.’”
This roast is playful yet biting. A student once used it in response to a bully who mocked his grades, and everyone laughed. It’s a witty comeback that stings just right.
Example:
Bully: “You don’t know anything.”
You: “You should carry a sign: ‘Caution, contents are empty.’”
Best Use: Best for know-it-all bullies.
28. “You’re like a broken pencil—pointless.”
A short and classic roast, I heard it first in a debate competition. The delivery made it funnier, and the bully had no comeback.
Example:
Bully: “You’re useless.”
You: “You’re like a broken pencil—pointless.”
Best Use: Perfect as a quick, witty response.
29. “You bring people together… because they all laugh at you.”
This roast flips the idea of popularity against bullies. I once saw it used in a playground setting, and the group sided with the victim instantly.
Example:
Bully: “Nobody likes you.”
You: “You bring people together… because they all laugh at you.”
Best Use: Ideal for group situations where humor wins.
30. “You’re like expired milk—nobody wants you around, and you stink of negativity.”
A final roast that’s both funny and visual. I saw it in a group chat when a troll wouldn’t stop. Everyone laughed, and the bully left.
Example:
Bully: “You don’t belong here.”
You: “You’re like expired milk—nobody wants you around, and you stink of negativity.”
Best Use: Perfect for shutting down persistent bullies.
Conclusion
Dealing with bullies doesn’t always require anger or confrontation—sometimes, humor is your strongest shield. These 30 funny roasts to say to a bully are clever, lighthearted, and effective at turning the tables without making you look mean. They help you stand tall, protect your confidence, and remind everyone that laughter can be the best defense.
Instead of fighting fire with fire, fight it with wit. Because nothing frustrates a bully more than realizing they can’t break your spirit.
FAQs
Q1. Are these funny roasts safe to use?
Yes! They are meant to be lighthearted, not cruel. Use them with humor, not anger.
Q2. Can I use these roasts online against cyberbullies?
Absolutely. Many of these are perfect for gaming chats, social media, and group texts.
Q3. Will these roasts stop bullying completely?
Not always, but they can take away the bully’s power. If bullying continues, seek support from trusted people.
Q4. Can kids use these roasts at school?
Yes, but only in safe contexts. Make sure it’s playful and not escalating into a fight.
Q5. What if humor doesn’t work against the bully?
Then it’s best to walk away and report the bullying. Your safety and mental health matter more.
